Relationships, we all have them and they are at the core of the most important things we do. We have many relationships happening all at the same time, from our partner to our children and then with our parents, siblings and extended family. We have relationships with our boss, our colleagues and our employees. There’s the relationship you have with your hairdresser, your child’s teacher and the lady at the local shop. Can you see? We all have many relationships to juggle daily.
All relationships experience ups and downs. There are times when you can almost read each other's minds, followed by challenging periods when you seem to be miles apart. These variations happen even in healthy relationships too. But if things seem to be more down than up when you look at an important relationship in your life you may start to wonder if something more serious is going on. Let’s dive into 6 big warning signs that the relationship may need some help.
Resentment. Resentment grows when someone feels unheard or dismissed. Signs of resentment in a relationship can be passive-aggressive words or actions or an increase of sarcastic remarks. You may have an increased agitation directed toward your partner and a feeling like you want to escape the relationship. Left unchecked, it leads to bitterness and an internal anger that can not be hidden. Communication goes from difficult to impossible and negativity is overwhelming. How can the communication be done differently here? Create opportunities to talk in a calm and without blame. What is the cause of the resentment? Listening to each other is key here. Whilst you may not agree all the time, attempt to understand.
Dishonesty. An occasional lie is perhaps forgivable and, depending on your moral outlook and the situation, sometimes even appropriate but lies about serious matters, or a daily barrage of deception, are seriously harmful. Dishonesty will end most relationships so whether it’s you or the other person who is lying the first step is figure out why. Is it to cover up insecurities? Is it because you or them are afraid of what the truth will do? Is it that you or them are afraid to show your true self? Once you understand why, you can find more positive ways to achieve the same end.
Mistrust. A single betrayal or an act perceived as a betrayal can wipe out a lifetime of trust. If trust is absent, again, ask why? Is it warranted, or is it coming from something unresolved in in a past relationship? If there has been a huge break in trust, is it too serious to be mended?
Distancing. If one or both partners is consistently tuning out, seeking distractions, and making a conscious effort to avoid making a connection, it may be that the bond between you has already been severed. People check out for all kinds of reasons some temporary, others permanent.
Defensiveness. It's not unusual to respond defensively when you're challenged. Over time, defensiveness shifts into the "whatever" stage, which is an attempt to put up a protective barrier. If the need for this protective stance is present, it will prevent any open communication and the possibility of a meaningful relationship.
Contempt. Contempt comes from a place of superiority and makes the other feel inferior. Deep down, it stems from a sense of feeling unappreciated and unacknowledged in the relationship. It can take the form of verbal or non-verbal language, which can include sarcasm, mockery, and facial gestures. It is possibly the most serious sign that a relationship is nearing the end. This is for the individual to examine their own feelings about themselves. If left unchecked, these feelings will be carried into the next relationship where the same pattern will occur.
Think about the relationships that are important in your life and ask yourself if they have any of these qualities.
If so, TAKE ACTION!
It may mean a new focus on growing together in healthier ways, or more structured communication.
You, or both of you, may need the assistance of a coach to address any unresolved past hurt from previous relationships that are causing problems between you.
Know that it is possible to change the direction of a failing relationship!
With the right support and a willingness to succeed from both parties, you will end up with a newly strengthened partnership.
Much love
Martin & Naomi ♥️