Life... Messy right?
Juggling my needs, kids needs, husbands needs, bosses needs, parents needs, siblings needs... Anymore to add? Oh yeah, the dog!
I would get to the end of the day and my body would collapse, exhausted as I reached for my first glass of wine and some left over food I'd scavenged off the kids plate earlier.
Feeling the wine hit my blood stream set off that familiar feeling that's hard to put into words and that I can only describe as a "flow of calm", as if I could feel the fluid hitting all the stress that had built up over the day.
Ahhhhhhhh... Relax....
My body followed orders and sank into the sofa... My mind on the other hand would decide that this was a great time to go to town and analyse the entire day, picking apart everything I shouldn't have done, all the jobs I hadn't managed to get done, all the times I lost my sh*t with the kids, the fact I hadn't stuck to my diet AGAIN... Thanks mind I thought as I poured another glass of wine. I feel great now, NOT! F*ck it! Let's drink those feelings away. And whilst I'm at it, I'll grab that pack of biscuits I bought earlier for the kids.
And this is where I found myself, every single night. Eating and drinking my feelings away, crawling into bed exhausted and sad. All ready to repeat the next day...
My body was getting heavier and so was my mind. I was feeling so out of control and ironically, everyone around me thought I'd get life sorted!
As I reflect back now, my fear of what people would think if I told them the truth kept me trapped in a world of anxiety and sadness. It was overwhelming and I could see no way of this continuous cycle of wake up, feel like sh*t, look like sh*t, eat sh*t, behaviour sh*t all performed with a smile on my face. I was tired, incredibly tired.
There comes a point in most peoples lives where they decide that they are no longer willing to tolerate feeling this way anymore. And wow! It's empowering.
At the time, I wasn't aware that my life was fully within my control - how I thought, how I felt and how I behaved. Not a clue!
The easy way to excuse your way of living is to look outwards and blame others, your boss, the takeaway place, the weather!
"Oh, I can't exercise, it's raining..." Really?"
I haven't got time to cook from scratch..." Bullsh*t!
"The kids have stressed me out, I need some wine..." Do you?
My life was full of excuses as to why I was fat, tired, stressed out and sad.
This couldn't be it could it? Is this how life is meant to be and going to be forever?
God... Pour me some more wine!
Change can happen though, the minute you decide you want something different.
Want to drink less?
Lose weight?
Get organised?
Shout less at your kids?
Enjoy being around your partner?
You have a choice, always.
Simple? Yep!
Easy? Nope, not at times.
Worth it? F*ck yes!
When you're ready, you'll decide that you want to live differently and no longer put up your own BS!
It's scary but my god beautiful, your future self will be ever so grateful to you!
Go, BECOME YOU.
What are you waiting for? ♥️