It can be tough sometimes... When you're in a relationship and it's feeling hard.
You look around and see other couples living the dream all loved up and smashing those "relationship goals" out of the park. How do they do it? What are they doing? Why is that not me?
There are those couples who seem to just have an effortless relationship. One full of joy, laughter and a whole heap of love. They get on with each other, they have a fantastic sex life and they are happy when they are with each other or when doing their own thing.
Is it effortless though or do they actually put in a lot of effort to make the relationship what it is?
Here are 10 rules that smart couples follow to elevate their relationship to that next level.
1. Neither of them play the role of the victim - life isn't easy and hasn't been easy for any of us. So when one or both of you choose to play the victim in a relationship then that relationship is doomed to fail or at least feel very difficult for a very long time. We all feel sad, angry and hurt on occasion, how long we choose to feel that way is our decision to make. Stop wallowing in self pity and looking to each other to fix you. Step up and support each other to be the best you both can be.
2. They discuss finances open and honestly - money is a highly emotive topic and one that can cause BIG problems in a relationship if not talked about open and honestly. Trust each other with your financial past, present and future and share your fears and dreams when it comes to money.
3. They commit to themselves and each other every single day - how committed are you to being the best you can be for yourself and for your relationship? Everyday is a new day to show up and be the best you can be regardless of what happened yesterday. We all mess up occasionally. Learn from it talk about it and recommit to each other every single day. Being the best person that you can be is key to having an awesome relationship.
4. They recognise their strengths and weaknesses - we are all individuals with a number of strengths and weaknesses that we then take into our relationship. Smart couples recognise how to make this work FOR them rather than against them. You're good at something your partner isn't? Instead of pointing out their flaws, take a look at what they are good that you're perhaps not and use this to your advantage. Your strengths and weaknesses may actually compliment your relationship perfectly.
5. They make time for each other - time, our most precious commodity and the one thing that once it's gone, we're not getting back. In the busy rush of day to day life that is filled with distractions, it can be easy to overlook time with your partner in favour of something else. Stop for a second and look at the opportunities you are missing each and everyday to spend time together. We're not talking quantity of time either. Big date nights and weekends away are wonderful, but don't miss the 30 seconds of a kiss and cuddle or the 20 minutes of cooking dinner together that all add up over time. It's the small pockets of quality time that make a massive difference to your relationship.
6. They say no to each other without feeling bad or taking it personally - saying no to people can feel hard at the best of times so when it comes to your partner, it can feel even harder as the last thing you want to do is upset them. But there will be times your partner may want to do something and you just don't fancy it. Saying no is okay with the understanding that the other won't take it personally. Communicate your reasons and listen to each other to understand. Saying no and hearing no and both being okay with it is a sign of a super strong relationship.
7. They both move towards their individual goals and desires - a relationship is not two people who want the same thing all of the time. A relationship is two individuals with individual goals and desires that require support from their partner to achieve. Smart couples understand that, to have a happy relationship, the individuals within the relationship must be happy. And this means supporting each other as you both work on and move towards your goals. Grow together and your goals as a couple will be achieved leading to a more fulfilled and joyful relationship.
8. They both keep learning - never stop learning about yourself or each other. The person you start your relationship and you think you know everything about will change each and everyday. Relationships become stagnant when both individuals stop taking an interest in themselves and each other. Time changes us all so don't expect you or your partner to stay the same. We are meant to grow and evolve as humans, so go on this journey together and get curious about who you can both become to continually improve and strengthen your relationship.
9. They communicate all the time - smart couples know that for a relationship to be successful, they must communicate not only when things are going well, but when things are not going as well as they would like. Have the difficult conversations. Share how you feel. Offer support to each other. You have both played a part in the good times so understand that you have played a part in the not so good times also. Communication is key here to maintaining a happy and loving relationship.
10. They love themselves first - sound like a strange one? Maybe... But to love another fully and unconditionally, you must first love yourself. Not in an arrogant, cocky kind of way. Love for yourself is pure. It brings you that quiet confidence from within that only you can feel and then share with others. Love for yourself allows you to accept yourself for who you are, no better or worse than anyone else therefore removing any comparison. Love for yourself leads to an inner feeling of peace and happiness that you create for yourself therefore, not relying on your partner to make you happy or feel at peace. When we love ourselves, we no longer cling to another or need another for us to be okay. Your partner should be an enhancement to your happiness and not the source of it. When we no longer cling to each other, then each of us is free to be themselves and there you will have the happiest of relationships free from neediness, dependency and attachment.