“Believing that we are not good enough or are less deserving of love because of someone else's inability to love us is one of the most destructive fictions we can ever consider to be truth.”
- Ranata Suzuki
One of the toughest times we can experience in life is when a relationship comes to an end. It is widely accepted that going through a breakup, separation or divorce is one of the most emotionally traumatic things a person can go through.
Whether it was your decision or not, when your relationship comes to an end you can be left feeling lost, heartbroken and totally overwhelmed by what to do next.
Life has changed indefinitely.
The future feels scary with lots of new situations to navigate.
❓Coparenting?
❓Dealing with your ex?
❓Guiding the kids through the changes?
❓House move?
❓Divorce process?
❓New partners?
❓Step kids?
❓Financial worries?
There is a lot of uncertainty which causes you sleepless nights, stress and worry on top of the sadness you are feeling.
Here are 5 Key Things to Practise during your breakup to help you feel less anxious, less overwhelmed and like life is that little bit more manageable.
1. Stay Present - time travelling is something that your mind is very capable of doing. One minute you can be thinking about the past and become filled with sadness and then all of a sudden you can be thinking about the future and be filled with fear, worry and overwhelm. Staying present is about recognising when this is happening and bringing your thoughts back to present moment. It is only in the present moment that we have the control and the power to take action. What small action do you need to take that will move you forwards towards feeling differently?
2. Get the right support - during a breakup you will be surrounded by well meaning people and a whole heap of their advice, suggestions and top tips that may leave you feeling not much better off than you were before. Support is vital during a breakup, and the right support is what will make all the difference. Who are the people that you know can help you during this time? There may not be many, you only need a few who you know have the skills and are capable to help you mentally. They tend to be the people who ask you what you need rather than tell you what you need.
3. Communicate - Stay open with your friends and family. They won't know how you are really feeling if you don't tell them. It can feel hard to admit that you are struggling but it's even harder to struggle alone. Tell those you trust and those who you know can support you how you are really feeling and what help you need. We all need help at times and the majority of people are kind and want to be able to help you.
4. Stay focused on you - It is during a breakup that your attention can become very focused on your ex; what they have done, what they are doing and what they might do next. When you focus on them, you pay no attention to yourself. Keep your focus on you; what you are doing and what you can do. We only have control over ourselves, not other people. Life will feel very out of control and overwhelming when you constantly focus on your ex. To feel calmer and less anxious, stay focused on yourself and take action based on your wants and needs.
5. Keep a firm belief that you are going to be ok - your life feels like it is over. You have no idea what the future holds and there is a lot that is changing right now. You feel like you won't be able to deal with what is to come. Believe in yourself and your strength to be able to do the hard things that life throws at you. What if you knew, that as hard as this feels right now, it will all work out for you in the best possible way.
“Believing that we are not good enough or are less deserving of love because of someone else's inability to love us is one of the most destructive fictions we can ever consider to be truth.”
- Ranata Suzuki
Big love
Naomi & Martin
Your turn…
What else would you add to this list?
Which key point will you start to practise today?
Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.